Monologue

I don't know where you came from, just, all of a sudden,

When I was alone,

You were there.

I was just a kid, you were older,

I never knew,

You just kept,

Kept me company.

It felt right to me, that I'd found you,

Or that you'd found me.

To me, you were ideas; you were always filling my head with destruction,

To other people, you were,

You were a ghost.

You'd be there, one second,

And then you would be gone.

You were good at leaving, good at being,

Gone.

It didn't matter where we were,

Or where I was, you'd find me, and I thought it was the greatest thing ever,

For a while.

I developed paranoia, and I'd hide from you,

But you'd still know,

I would hide, and you'd still find me.

“Destroy everything”

"Destroy everything completely”

Eventually you wanted more of me, pieces of me I wasn't ready to give.

You preached, you sulked, you sat silent, and you made me forget my ideals,

And finally,

Made me a nihilist

Like you.

You broke my heart like nothing else, nothing I did could fix it, I even tried drinking my sorrows away, but only came home each time with regrets I couldn't shake.

Finality grew in each step

In every step

I took

You were insane,

You drove me insane.

I didn't understand the world any better than anyone else, I had skepticism shining in my eyes like a layer that kept me from believing, the eyeliner I once wore became the circles beneath my eyes from giving up everything, every last hope. Everything about me dried out, and the corners of my mouth became perpetually turned down.

All the things I had once been vanished for you, everything for you, I was the trophy lover, and you just wanted someone to follow you in all your philosophical monotony, and I did.

I became a shell that revolved around you.

Everywhere we went, there was something,

And not only were we there, you left pieces of yourself on everything you touched

Memories,

Stains I can't seem to get out.

We'd sit around, we always watched the sun come up and go down,

And almost always from somewhere else

Now it's like the sun is a big moving memory of you.

We were together,

We were together a lot after I gave in to you, and I was eternally afraid

Afraid I'd be eternally stuck with a smaller you,

Your spitting image.

A child, running around, watching all the hopeless girls follow suit.

Like me.

You were real to me, before you became a shadow,

You were real.

I could even feel your pulse when we were close.

I realized, when I thought about you leaving,

And you did,

That something wasn't right.

Were you ever really there?

Why can’t I find you?

I don't know who or what to believe,

I'm so confused about everything,

That was your goal for me I guess.